There’s an old saying, “Acknowledging the problem is the biggest step.” This turns out to be completely untrue.
Lately, my blogs and articles have mostly been about the kinds of problems people bring to therapy including Anxiety, Anger, ADHD, Boundary issues, etc. For each of these issues, I have also touched on how we deal with those problems in therapy—mostly by identifying the reasons people have those problems, and then identifying the specific sources of the problems in that particular client’s life. So far, so good. But then what? What do we actually do in therapy to solve the problem. I mean, that’s what the client wants, right? It is, even when the client isn’t so sure.
Everyone wants to get rid of their problems. I know it doesn’t seem like that sometimes with some people. But, no one wants a problem, unless it seems to solve some other problem which feels even worse. Take denial for instance. Denial is a problem all by itself, but if it covers up some other problem, like an addiction issue or childhood sexual abuse, then it seems like it helps solve the underlying problem by helping us ignore it (but of course it doesn’t in the end, which is why denial is a problem). Once we work through the denial, we can begin to address the “real” problem, right? Yes and no.
There are usually four steps to solving a therapeutic problem:
- Acknowledge the problem (by its consequences);
- Identifying the source of the problem (behavior, attitude, perception);
- Establish a likely solution (propose the needed changes);
- Implement the solution (making the changes).
Which is the hardest? Step number four, implementing the solution. The first, second and third steps often require the assistance of a friend, family member, spouse or a professional. The fourth step requires that the person with the problem take full control and responsibility of the problem and actually do the hard work. It is not the hard work that’s the problem. Its taking full control and responsibility for the problem that causes so much difficulty.
We often want to blame things outside ourselves for our problems, and often rightly so. However, solving problems always, always, always requires us to take control and responsibility for the problem. If we are stuck in blaming other people or “uncontrollable situations” for our problems, we will remain stuck in the problem. We can’t change other people and we often cannot change circumstance. We can only change our emotional, mental and physical behaviors.
This four-step process of dealing with a problem (acknowledge, identify, propose, and implement) often results in two stages of therapy. Stage one is “acute” meaning the problem is identified as quickly as possible, and temporary solutions are proposed to curb the consequences of the problem. The second stage occurs after implementation begins. This stage often amounts to helping the client stay on track, avoiding regression into old patterns, and confirmation that change is actually occurring as the result of the implemented solution. It can also lead to modifications of the proposed solution as things get better. Both stages are rewarding, but the second stage is most rewarding because it is the one which is the hardest for the client, and the one which demonstrates how incredibly courageous and strong people can be when they decide to take control and responsibility for their problems.
Tags: personal growth, self-awareness
