Posts Tagged ‘introspection’
What are your givens?
What’s a “given?” It’s a thing about yourself that you just know, in your bones, to be true about yourself. It is just a given.
Read MoreOther people, our moral mirrors: Part 3, refining our personality
As I said in “Other People Parts 1 and 2,” when we are young children, we are concerned with our needs and preferences, so when we think of other people, we primarily ask ourselves the question “What?” “What do we want?, What kind of things do we like to do?” At around the age of…
Read MoreOther people, our moral mirrors: Part 2, developing our identity
Many years ago, when half of my clients were teenagers, I would often begin by asking them “What is your main job in your life right now?” Almost always, they would say “to do well in school.” It was like a script. They’d probably heard this question from many others—their parents, teachers, school counselors (or in some…
Read MoreRacism
“Racism…” he thinks, with a long, drawn-out sigh, filled with dread, despair, confusion, anger, sadness, pain, hopelessness. I am not talking about some hypothetical Man of Color. I am talking about me, when I think about racism, which is often, but probably not often enough. Now that I’ve narrowed it down for you, I will…
Read MoreThe benefits of limited self-doubt
Self-doubt is one of the most confusing and yet constant feelings we experience. It is everywhere, in nearly everything we do, big and small. Self-doubt is that little voice that says, “are you sure you should…? [have whole milk in your latte], or [text an old romantic partner who’s sent you a seemingly harmless text],…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 12, Ideals for self-discovery
Some time ago, before writing the last couple of Blog posts on introspection, I had decided that there would be exactly twelve posts in this series. Twelve is such a nice, complete number. There are twelve months in a year. In the Bible, there are the twelve tribes of Israel and Twelve Apostles (okay, now…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 11, Ambivalence and balance
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself; (I am large, I contain multitudes.) Walt Whitman, Song of Myself, Leaves of Grass Having the capacity to hold and experience two opposing or contradictory feelings, thoughts and desires at the same time is human, very human. It is both a blessing and a…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 10, Avoiding Narcissism
Having spent the last several months writing about “going inside yourself” (introspection), it occurs to me that I should take a breather and answer the question, “is there such a thing as too much introspection?” I want to say “no” because introspection is so much a part of my life as a therapist and a…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 9, Being interesting
In the last blog post, I described the difference between existence (you as you are right now) and being (you in the process of becoming what you want to be). Being is preferable. Being means frequently asking yourself where you are headed in your life, your head, your values and morality. Being isn’t just about goals, although…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 8, Self-awareness and being
“Skynet… becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th.” From the Movie, Terminator II, 1991 I was on a bus at the age of 14, headed toward work. I was looking down at my hands. I was probably bored, and maybe high on something. I started to move my fingers, watching my…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 7, Intersubjectivity
There’s this scene in the movie The Elephant Man that was transformative for me. I saw the movie in my late teens. In the movie, the main guy has a disease which disfigures his whole body, including his face. In this particular scene, he is running from reporters. I think he’s in a hospital. At…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 6, Self-acceptance
Introspection Part 6, self-acceptance I recently said the following to a client struggling with shame: “The opposite of shame is not pride. The opposite of shame is self-acceptance.” Moving toward self-acceptance requires self-knowledge, which in turn requires introspection. In Part 2 of this series of blog posts on introspection, I attempted to lay out the…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 5, Your inner narrative
Now that you have some tools for accessing your inner self (See the previous blog post, Introspection Part 4), what are you supposed to do once you are “in there” (looking around within yourself)? Answer: find your “inner narrative”—the story you tell yourself about you and your world. That’s really it. Sounds simple, and it…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 4, Tools for self-discovery
It occurs to me that in addition to all the negative reasons one might not engage in self-exploration I noted in Part 3 of this series on introspection (fear of emotional pain, family or gender negative messages, avoiding responsibility), some of us do not engage in self-exploration because we just don’t really know how to do…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 3, Why do we avoid our inner lives
I hope I made a convincing case in Part 2 of this discussion on introspection—that exploring your inner life has some very tangible (and intrinsic) benefits, including predictability and flexibility (in how you interact with others). I hope I also made it clear that, without introspection, there is really no way for a person to…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 2, the value of self-discovery
Every once in a while I run into a person who tells me they think introspection and self-awareness are a waste of time. I have even on occasion been told that introspection encourages negative feelings about ourselves, by causing us to dwell on difficult issues. I am almost universally so surprised by these ways of…
Read MoreIntrospection Part 1, What is introspection?
A friend recently read my book, Firewalking on Jupiter. He liked it. He thought it was useful in a variety of ways. He thought the book did a pretty good job of explaining how to address different issues you might need to address depending on who you are and what you discover about yourself—things like…
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